From:  Elvis International, The Magazine -- Winter 1999 Issue

A few years ago, I took our two dogs to a local pet super-store and had their photograph taken with ‘Santa Claus’.  It made a well-received Christmas present for my wife.

I also spent an extra $6.00 for two pair of optional cloth antlers to put on the dogs’ heads, so they looked like reindeer. You have to work fast once you get these things on, because dogs don't like them and try to shake them off immediately.  In a matter of seconds, the antlers are hanging from their necks.  Instead of looking like reindeer, they look more like cows with mutant udders.

Speaking of going to see Santa Claus, there are some things I don't under-stand about the shopping mall Santas.  Do little children ever ask, "Is that really Santa?"   And what do you answer?  Do you just say 'Yes', and live with the little white lie?  If you tell them it is the real Santa, you better not shop at another mall the same day, or you’ll have to explain how there are now two Santas.

Of course, we all know the shopping mall Santas are actually part of an overt plan to sell photographs.  So, here's a new twist.

Some year, one of the malls in an area could get a huge advantage on the others by skipping Santa and instead offering an Elvis impersonator.  Sure, it's a far-out idea, but it has some merit.  For one thing, the mall would certainly get a lot of good buzz in the local press.

Also, there’s a wonderful supply of trained men out there who qualify for the job.  These guys, already making a nice living as Elvis, can do impersonations of him at least as believable as those you get from the temp-worker Santas.

It could also save the mall a lot of money, because they wouldn’t need an elaborate ‘North Pole Village’.  All it would require is an old Cadillac convertible, sitting on a low stage with a seasonal backdrop behind it.

Once every hour, 'Elvis' would play a Karaoke tape on a jambox and sing along with an Elvis Christmas song.  "Santa Claus is Back in Town", his great blues-rocker, would be perfect.  “Blue Christmas” would work nicely, too.  Naturally, these performances would draw a crowd.

Then those pretty helpers would assist parent and child as they get into the front seat of the convertible with 'Elvis'.  He would warm up the youngster with some happy chatter, and then show how to use the CB radio to talk to Santa back at the North Pole (where he should be).

After the child tells Santa what he wants for Christmas, it's time for the photograph.  A camera, mounted about eight feet high in front of and to one side of the car, takes a wide shot that includes everyone in the front seat, surrounded by all that chrome and glass.  It could be as much a treat for Mom as for the children.

In fact, if the guy is a close look-alike, I would gladly pay the price for a picture of 'Elvis' and me:  two pals cruising around in a Caddy…  I wonder if I can bring the dogs?

            Merry Christmas and a hunk-a, hunk-a burning love to everyone.

© 1999  Philip R Arnold