How's that for an attention-grabbing headline? With two-inch high letters, it dominated the front page of the May 16, 2005, issue of the tabloid Weekly World News. I chuckled when I saw that their 'Political Writer' wrote it. It seems like it should have been their 'Not-Really-Dead-Rock-Star Writer.
He quickly disposed of the obvious question of Elvis Presley's whereabouts for the last twenty-nine years. You see, Elvis was shipped out of the country in a crate and ultimately settled in Australia, where he has worked incognito with missionaries for nearly three decades. Nice touch – Elvis working with missionaries. Makes you proud of him, doesn't it?
But Elvis thinks politics and government in the US are a mess. He's unhappy with both parties, and he wants to make things right.
The article is fun to read, and, as the Weekly World News proclaims on the cover, “It's All True.”
Well, maybe not, if you believe the headline on the June 15, 1993, issue of the same magazine, which proclaimed, “ELVIS DEAD AT 58.” I’ll bet the publishers didn’t think any Elvis fans would save back issues of the magazine and compare their stories over the years. Wrong. I did. The 1993 story is completely different. It had Elvis moving around, living in Florida, Arkansas, and Tennessee, before finally succumbing to a diabetic coma.
For some reason, this article had a small photo of the cover of an early 80's issue, which proclaimed “ELVIS IS ALIVE.” All three cover pictures were altered photos of Elvis, and they show the Weekly World News is getting much better at doing this. The early 80's photo had Elvis completely bald on top, with long side hair down over his ears. It was so bad; he looked more like Larry of the Three Stooges.
The 1993 photo had Elvis with thinning hair on top, combed down in front, almost in bangs. Not a good look for him, at all.
The 2005 picture is great. Elvis has a full head of wavy salt-and-pepper hair, and he looks like a handsome seventy-year-old politician.
This is a man who could get some votes. As soon as he gets back from Australia, I’m going to sign up as a volunteer for his campaign.
© 2005 Philip R Arnold All Rights Reserved www.elvisblog.net