On more than one occasion, I have spoken out about what a waste of time Internet forums and chat-rooms can be.  It just seems like some pretty stupid people dominate the chat-rooms, and they often veer off the subject being discussed.  On the other hand, there are usually a few humorous comments if you have time to read through all the drivel to find them.  Let me save you the trouble of looking for the good stuff among the comments to three recent news articles on www.elvisnews.com.


All three involve new Elvis product tie-ins as we approach the 30th anniversary of his death.  The products are Viagra, Marie Osmond’s “Baby Elvis” Doll, and the Elvis “Talking” Action Figure.  Here are the comments I found interesting on each.


Viva Viagra:  There is a 30-second TV commercial for Viagra that shows a group of middle-aged-looking guys playing in a roadhouse band.  They are singing “Viva Viagra” to the tune of the Elvis hit “Viva Las Vegas.”  For what it’s worth, I like the ad. You can check it out on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PH9qAGPULk.    Here are my favorite responses:


What the Hell.  Elvis wouldn’t need that stuff if he was alive now.  That guy … was a horn dog.  He rules.


What next, a Depends commercial using the song “I’m Counting On You?


Cool commercial, give me more.


How disgusting.  I can’t even think of words right now to describe how sick this is.


Oh s++t!  I feel horny already.


I hate the commercial.  I hope EPE steps in.  I hope they did not give permission for these idiots to use the song (Ed. note:  Wanna bet?)


Marie Osmond’s “Baby Elvis” Doll:  According to the release on Elvis.Com, Marie Osmond knew Elvis when she was a young performer, and she was greatly influenced by both Elvis and his music.  She is quoted, “I was completely smitten by Elvis’ charm, talent and his swiveling hips.”  Marie Osmond has also been in the doll business for sixteen years, and she has come up with a new line: “Little Bit Country, Little Bit Rock & Roll.”  Well, guess what the first doll in the series will be?  “Baby Elvis,” wearing a tiny replica of the famous American Eaglejumpsuit from the Aloha From Hawaii TV special.  You can check it out at www.marieosmond.com.  Here are some interesting comments on ElvisNews.Com:


I like the Osmonds, but if this is “Baby Elvis,” why would he be in a jumpsuit.  This is about making money.  (Ya think?)


Another pseudo-“must” for the collectors.


If I was a doll collector… I’d buy that for sure.  It’s something good to pass down to your daughters and a good way to keep Elvis’ memory alive.


It would be funny if they had a Baby Colonel holding a candy cigar to complete the set.


Yes, even have a Baby [Memphis] Mafia set.  Baby Lamar could walk in and disrupt the whole Jungle Room Nursery.


Elvis “Talking” Action Figure:  A company called Talking Presidents has released the first two in a line of “talking” Elvis action figures.  They are twelve –inches tall, and when you press the button on the back, a micro-chip gives you a dozen sound bites in Elvis’ own voice.  According to the EPE press release, “you’ll listen to an intimate, thoughtful, reflective, humorous, youthful, yet wise beyond his years, Elvis.”  (That’s certainly what I want from my action figures.)  You can see both models at: www.talkingpresidents.com.  Here’s what the readers thought of this idea:


Every big star in the entertainment business nowadays has his or her own talking doll. The Spice Girls, Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson.  So why not let our man have his own talking doll as well (even though, judging from the picture, he doesn’t look at all like our man).


Put a cowboy hat on it, and it would closely resemble Woody from Toy Story.


The thing is – had the technology been available in the 50s, the Colonel would have pushed it, and just about every Elvis fan would have bought one.  They’d be collectors’ items now, and every Elvis fan/collector would have sought one out from eBay.


I give up.  I am now going to my garden and build a sound-proof shed, so I can shout out, with all the air my poor lungs can muster, every item of foul and offensive language I can think of…. a disgrace and an embarrassment to the name and achievements of Elvis Presley.  I have to say that if anyone out there actually buys this third-rate piece of crap, then you need to re-assess your claim to be an Elvis fans.  (I guess that means she didn’t like it much.)


The lunatics have taken over the asylum.


And finally, here is the quote from ElvisNews.com that preceded the article on the Elvis “Talking” Action Figure:  “We really wonder who wants to buy this sh*t.”


©  2007   Philip R Arnold   All Rights Reserved   www.elvisblog.net


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