Cruising through the Internet is one of my favorite ways of finding ideas for ElvisBlog, and I have a special joy in finding the oddball websites with Elvis content. Over the years, I have found enough to do three previous columns titled, “Odd Elvis Websites.”
That’s why I was so happy when I stumbled upon a 1997 WashingtonPost.Com column by Andrea Basora, written to commemorate the 20th Anniversary of Elvis’ passing. It was titled “Elvis in the Machine,” and Ms. Basora asserted that anything was possible with Elvis online. She was impressed because there were hundreds of Elvis websites. Eleven years later, there are thousands.
Ms. Basora organized her recommended Elvis sites into four groups: “The Basics”, “The Absurdists,” “The Truly Weird,” and “The Music, Movies and Memorabilia.” That’s right; fully half of the Elvis sites recommended by the WashingtonPost.in this article were either “Absurdist” or “The Truly Weird.’ I knew checking this out was going to be fun.
My first impulse was to see how many of these odd Elvis websites are still in business. Which ones had the legs to make it from 1997 to 2008? Here’s a look at the winners and losers along with some of the original commentary in the 1997 article. Then, I add my own observations.
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The Sites We Lost Along the Way
Elvis Shot JFK: For the conspiracists out there.
I’m glad this one is gone. It was over the line. I can’t believe that the Washington Post had so little taste and mentioned it
The Strange Case of the Missing Elvis Diaries: A novel idea – an on-line serialized mystery featuring Jeff Parrish on the trail of Elvis Presley’s legendary lost journals. A “tale of blue suede and bullets, greed and grease.
How about records and robbers? Jumpsuits and jailbirds? I tried to Google this to see if it had a new URL. There was one link, but it wouldn’t open. I wonder if the story was any good.
Elvis Ain’t Dead / The Elvis Spotters Page: Contribute your own Elvis-sighting experience, or read through other people’s visions of The King.
Even if this “Elvis Sightings” website has died, several more have sprung up. I don’t waste any time on them. However, you do have to admit that “ELVIS Ain’t Dead” is a pretty catchy title.
Vote for Elvis: The site that asks: “Why settle for a Prime minister when you can elect a King?” Of Canada, no less.
I Googled this one, but 13 sites have the phrase in their title, now. So, it’s impossible to know if one was the 1997 original. My favorite of these new titles is “Disco Elvis / Show Your Support and Vote For Elvis.” Disco Elvis??
The Oracle of the Plywood Elvis: Unearthed near the quaint alpine village of Belgrade, Mont., the Plywood Elvis supposedly “provides guidance on topics of personal concern to those who seek its powers. Click on the Elvis image for useful advice along the lines of: “You are fluent in the language of futility” or “You can never have too many sweaters.”
I remember this site. I was on it at work a few times six or seven years ago. At the end of the day when you were totally wiped out, you could kill time until 5PM by playing on this one. Just click on the plywood Elvis image and get fortune-cookie-like messages. Totally stupid, but I’m sorry it’s gone.
The Sites That Are Still Around
The Oracle of Elvis: By the creator of The Oracle of Bacon (more commonly known as Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon), the best way to ferret out those top secret relationships to The King.
The link in the original article went nowhere. I thought, “That’s too bad. I would have liked to play Six Degrees of Elvis.” So, rather than give up, I Googled that name, and the site is still on the net. The single page site looks like it had no additional posts over the years. A one-shot-deal that has just floated along in the web all these years. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the time or patience to figure out any of the fifteen connections you could pick. Not even all the actresses that need just 2 degrees to get to Elvis. For example, if you click Cher, all you had to come up with was the two actors who starred together in a movie, and each of them also starred with either Elvis or Cher. If you think you’d like to play, check it out here.
Gimme That Dang Pill: A shockwave game that provides the opportunity to help Elvis from himself. Your task? To flush down the toilet before Elvis can eat them. Your reward? A fried peanut butter sandwich.
You can’t get to this site anymore by clicking on the link in the WashingtonPost.Com column. But, a quick search found it at another URL. Like Six degrees of Elvis, this appears to be a one-time post that has prevailed in spite of its despicable concept. It is a brain-dead game where you drag pill bottles and large capsules over a toilet and drop them in, accompanied by Elvis grunting “yeah” and “oh baby”. No matter what you score, a message tells you’ve won a fried peanut-butter sandwich. They couldn’t even get that right. Elvis ate peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwiches. I don’t like this site and wish you would stay away from it.
Americans for Cloning Elvis (ACE): Just like it sounds; a petition – via e-mail – for the cloning of Elvis.
Apparently, this site that has switched URLs over the years. It is somewhat interesting for a couple of minutes, but I find it hard to believe over two-and-a-half million people have signed the petition. If you want to add your name to the list, click here. If you are really motivated you can contribute $5 to the cause.
The First Church of Jesus Christ, Elvis: For true Elvis worshippers… In case you had any doubts that Elvis represents the second coming, check out some of the Elvis as Jesus parallels, such as… Jesus is the Lord’s shepherd / Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
This one is still around, but it appears to be another one-page deal that has nothing new added over the years. In fact, maybe some things have removed, because I could not find the Elvis as Jesus parallels. There are two altered pictures that I have seen elsewhere and some text about Elvis written in the style of Biblical passages. Not a very impressive website.
Disglaceland – The Home of Tim-Elvis: A humorous site that is actually full of useful information… don’t miss The Showroom which features photographs of Friz-Elvis, the first known Budgie King.
Well, we’ll never learn who Friz-Elvis is. This site still comes up, but it has been inactive for eight months. Tim-Elvis made his last post on November 28, 2007, and he called it “Fading Away.” Very apropos. Unfortunately, the archives go back only to 2004. How do you like this sub-title: “Disgraceland, the cybermansion of Tim-Elvis. It’s where I ramble on about Elvis, his fans, zucchini, and a variety of related subjects.”
I scanned a lot of his posts, and Tim stopped writing about Elvis a few years ago. Then he just stopped writing altogether. I feel sad for Tim-Elvis, and I hope he won’t mind if I borrow something from him. When I write the last ElvisBlog column, it will be titled, “Fading Away.” Don’t worry, that won’t be for a long time.
In the future we will look at WashingtonPost.Com’s recommended sites in the categories of “The Basics” and “The Music, Movies and Memorabilia.” I hope they made better choices than they did with this bunch of losers.
© 2008 Philip R Arnold, Original Elvis Blogmeister All rights Reserved www.ElvisBlog.net
ELVIS COMMENTARY MINI-NUGGETS — # 10
Elvisauris: Did you know there was a dinosaur named for Elvis? Back in 1990, two Ohio State geologists discovered the bones of an early Jurassic dinosaur in Antarctica. The find occurred just 400 miles from the South Pole. I can’t imagine what gave them the clue to dig there. Anyway, the skull of the 22-foot-long creature has a bony crest, and it didn’t take the scientists long to notice that it resembled Elvis’ big pomp hair-do of the 50s. Soon the dinosaur picked up the nickname Elvis. In time, everyone referred to it as Elvisauris, even though its official name is Cryophosauris ellioti. Elvisauris is much better, don’t you think?
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But, I’ll Be Back In May. Ohhhhhhh, Yeah: Here’s a story that is equally strange. The International Space Station circles the Earth at an elevation of 240 miles. The astronauts spend months on board, so it must get boring for some of them. I like the way Flight Engineer Carl Walz spiced up things. Somehow radio contact was set up with hundreds of Houston schoolteachers, during which Walz treated them to an Elvis impression from outer space. His song was to the tune of “Heartbreak Hotel”:
“Well, since I left my baby, I found a new place to dwell. It’s 400 kilometers in the air. It’s called Space Station Alpha. Oh, it’s so lonely. But, I’ll be back in May. Ohhhhhhh, yeah.”
In this case, I like the original words better.
So Let's Mention the Guitar Player, OK?: On June 4th, the News link on www.elvis.com announced that “That’s All Right” was listed as #37 in Rolling Stone Magazine’s list of the greatest guitar songs. Here is the exact wording of the press release:
“In the June edition of Rolling Stone Magazine, Elvis Presley’s hit song “That’s All Right” was named on the 100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time article. The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll was ranked no. 37 on the list.”
Notice anything missing? How about the name of the guitar player – Scotty Moore! After all, this is the greatest guitar songs we’re talking about. I’m not going to hammer EPE, because plenty of other folks do that on the web. But, I’m a Scotty Moore fan, and it just wasn’t right to leave his name out of the news release. They did provide a nice link to www.rollingstone.com, where you can read the whole list. Rolling Stone got it right:
“Lead guitarist Scotty Moore’s hillbilly blues has become ground zero for the last 54 years worth of rockabilly. On Elvis’ first single, the guitarist’s lusty solo matches Elvis’ vocals and rhythm guitar perfectly.”
I like that – Scotty Moore: ground zero for rockabilly music.
Watching Women Fight: One of the less inflammatory “revelations” in that horrible Albert Goldman book titled “Elvis” is that Elvis liked to watch videos of women fighting. Goldman wrote:
“The typical film opens upon a shot of a couple of tough, coarse-looking broads sitting on a sofa and having a violent quarrel about a man. Suddenly, one woman reaches over and slaps the other’s face. The second woman retaliates by grabbing her by the hair. Then they really get into it like a couple of cats, screaming and clawing.”
Albert Goldman has been accused of making up much of the stuff in his book, and I know he’s lying here. Elvis would have watched lovely babes fighting, not tough coarse-looking broads.
Do You Know Which of These Songs Elvis Sang In His Movies?:
“Vino, Dinero Y Amor”
“Wolf Call”
“Beach Shack”
“Yoga Is As Yoga Does”
“We’re Coming In Loaded”
“Steppin’ Out of Line”
“Hard Knocks”
“Barefoot Ballad”
“Five Sleepyheads”
“Drums of the Island”
And the answer is —- all of them were in Elvis movies. No wonder he stopped making movies and went back to live concerts.
Elvis Has a Great Center of Gravity: In an August 16, 2007, article commemorating the 30th Anniversary celebration, New York Sun columnist Pia Catton declared that Elvis was one of the great American dancers. According to Catton, Elvis had a particular quality of movement that made him a star.
“Elvis had a center of gravity that was low, á la Gene Kelly, but also set back and deep. His sexiest moves – legs lolling back and forth, smooth like jelly, hips rolling and tossing everywhere – were performed as if there were a paperweight on a string tied around his waist and hung from his lower back. (Ed. note: Can you picture that?) With his weight adjusted to the back, he could free one leg to twist, pop, and jerk while maintaining perfect balance… Elvis’ glory was in the shifting of his weight… When he gets going fast, the force of the shifts make his shoulders jerk so hard he looks like he is being electrocuted.”
OK, now we know how Elvis could do it. However, it might not be a good idea to explain it to folks at an Elvis Week party. When you get to the part about a paperweight hanging from Elvis’ butt, they’re going to think you’re a nut. When you get to the electrocuted shoulders, they’ll be trying to get away from you fast.
© 2008 Philip R Arnold, Original Elvis Blogmeister All Rights Reserved www.ElvisBlog.net
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