Do you remember the Christmas video Rudolph: The Island of Lost Toys? It was the sequel to the classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and it still shows up on television from time to time.
I saw this publicity still on the internet and thought there might be a parallel in Elvisworld. Over the past fifty-five years, there have been many, many Elvis products introduced – and some were pretty crummy. I know, because I’ve received some of them as Christmas presents.
So, if there was an Elvis Island of Misfit Gifts, here are some strange items that should be there.
Elvis Bikini: Would any of you ladies really wear this? Probably not, when you consider where the words “Good Rockin’ Tonight” are positioned when the pants are on. Remember, terms like Rock and Roll and Good Rockin’ originally were euphemisms for having sex, so some folks who see you in this suit might get the wrong message. On the other hand, if you are on vacation and looking to make things happen, the old Elvis bikini might just do it.
Elvis Guitar: This one actually freaks me out. Elvis’ head looks like some kind of mutant growth on the side of the guitar. I just don’t think any up-an-coming young guitar player would be caught dead with this thing. Can't you just see a high school kid cringe when Grandma gives him this guitar for Christmas?
Elvis for Dummies: This might actually be full of good stuff about Elvis, but so are lots of other books. If a real Elvis fan owns this, it probably was a Christmas present from some relative who doesn’t have a clue.
Elvis Toilet Seat Cover: There is one way this could be an okay gift. It would work for those really committed fans who have their own Elvis Room — and there is a bathroom right across the hall. It probably already has a bunch of overflow stuff from the Elvis Room, so the Elvis toilet seat cover will work out there just fine.
Hunk ‘A Burnin’ Love Coffee Mug: I have received other Elvis coffee mugs for Christmas, and they're fine. But, this mug is a definite misfit. Why a cartoon Elvis? Especially one with no nose or mouth. In this image, Elvis looks like he has a duck bill. And, it also looks likes he is giving the finger.
50s Elvis Hat: Maybe this hat was cool back in the 50s, but I doubt it. Dorky and Elvis just don’t mix. It says GALS on the sign, so maybe the Elvis Presley hat looked good on them.
Elvis Sex Toy: Just kidding. But, the real product description doesn’t make much more sense: “Elvis Keyboard Cleaner Brush.” I guess you lift the hair off and it’s the handle for the brush.
Elvis Airplane Teapot: I have photos of other Elvis teapots, but they are just variations of Elvis’ head. This one goes farther and has Elvis in an airplane. I don’t know what that other little snowman is about, unless he is an alternate lid for the pot. Not much of an improvement, is it?
Elvis Album Cover Necktie: I actually have this one, and, yes, it was a Christmas present. Because I wear ties only at weddings or funerals, I guess my Elvis tie will never get out of the closet. Maybe I’ll have some occasion to wear it as a joke.
Elvis and Nixon Globe: Graceland snow globes are nifty. Elvis and Nixon globes…not so much.
Elvis Impersonator Wine Caddy: The ad on the internet actually calls this “Custom Elvis Impersonator Wine Caddy.” Why Elvis impersonator and not Elvis? Maybe they knew it was too ugly for Graceland to make it an EPE licensed product, so they couldn’t call it Elvis. All I know is, the next time I want to carry some wine around, it won’t be in one of these misfits.
Betty Boop Bobbler: Let’s see, the stand says “Elvis,” and that looks like a white Elvis jumpsuit. But, what’s with Betty Boop? Very strange.
Elvis Plush Toy: There must be hundreds of Elvis plush toys out there, and this may be the worst. And what is that yellow hot-dog-looking thing sitting on his feet?
I do not own any Elvis plush toys, but if some relative wants to give me one for Christmas, I hope it is this cool blue ninja Elvis Teddy Bear in a gold lame’ coat.
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